For many years, I experienced a reoccurring dream. In the dream I was on the second floor of my parents home with my brother and many little children.
The house was on fire, and I attempted to help my brother and the little children escape. In this panic and chaos, my brother and the children in fear refused to jump out of the second story window, but in my mind I knew that I was going to jump out without them. In a cold sweat, I wake up from the dream. I believe the dream represents survivors guilt.
When I started my job two years ago working on a college campus with students who have been sexually assaulted, sexually harassed, and physically assaulted from dating violence, I did not fully realize that the purpose of working at this job is to overcome this survivors guilt.
Very recently, I gave notice at this job. The process to get to this point of letting go of trying to save the students, and a university that is in crisis was very difficult. Even the staff that worked for me are very much like these children who works at a college that is on “fire.”
First, I had to realize what was happening. Second, I made an intention to let them go even if it would be painful for all of us involved. Third, I just let go. In fact, I knew when I first started that I would not make any friends while working at this college. I left with many good colleagues, but no true friends here. This prediction came true.
Maybe I did not make friends because it would be too hard to let go? I feel free now without hanging onto this great burden. I hope I have finally let go of the needs to save these students and my staff members. Only time will tell. (Copyright 2019 awakening journey with all rights reserved)