Unveiling the Many Emotional Layers

download

Many in the spiritual community will tell you, healing occurs in many emotional layers much like peeling an onion.  The spiritual journey is a spiral going around and around, and many times returning to the same issues, but we are now able to see it from another perspective.  This is what I have discovered.

As many of my readers know, I experienced sexual, physical, and emotional abuse as a child.  During my healing process, I went through many layers of my emotional pain. First as apathy/depression, then as anger/rage, and now anguish/grief.  This layer of emotional pain first appeared to me as fear of unworthiness and failure from my low self esteem.  However, after further introspection, my greatest fear is rejection and being unlovable.

As a child, the only love I received from my parents involved conditional love.  These conditions were many, including excelling at school and extra-curricular activities, if I did my chores, if I agreed to do what they demanded, if I did not make waves, among others. Because I grew up with my grandparent as my parent left me with them, I did not join my family until I was eight years old.  I became the scapegoat for my parents’ many deep seeded problems of mental illness, child molestation, and physical abuse.  Because I was the outsider, I became the target of their violence and abuse, although my sibling also suffered.

As an adult, I became a pleaser, pacifier, and go along to get along kind of person, because I feared being rejected, alienated, and being unlovable.  I did what others asked of me and constantly feared retaliation by others, as my parent would retaliate with physical and emotional threats when I failed to comply with their demands.  As an adult, I constantly struggle with standing up for myself, protection myself, and taking care of myself.  The beliefs taught and shown to me as a child made me believe that I was not deserving of love, protection, or care.

I am trying hard now to change those beliefs in order to love, protect, and care for myself.  What others think or feel about me is really none of my business. It is only what I think and feel about myself that matters. Breaking down these beliefs of guilt, self sabotage, self hatred, and self harm must take place in order for me to live a healthier, happier, and more peaceful life.  (Copyright 2019 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

 

Author: Journey of Awakening

Hi, I'm Brooke who will be taking you on a journey of spiritual awakening. I experienced a spiritual awakening in March 2011 when my consciousness was awakened, inspired, and transformed forever. I will serve as your guide on this journey, and hope you will join me!

One thought on “Unveiling the Many Emotional Layers”

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: