Accepting the End


When I saw this above meme, I realize it was speaking to me.  For the past five years, I have been letting go of everything I have ever known or understood about my own life.  It is a gradual process of releasing my ego’s identity and how I see myself.  It is the Dark Night of the Soul as many describe on their spiritual journeys.

This awareness and recognition of who I was and my darkness within, gave me the vision and intention to change my life once and for all.  Along the way, I had to leave my old negative patterns of behaviors and thinking, and leaving people, things and places behind in order to transform my own life.

I do not believe it is possible to keep your old life, and live a completely different new life. In my opinion, it is an illusion and fiction we tell ourselves so as to avoid doing the necessary hard and real emotional work in order to transform and heal.

I have observed many including Kundalini active individuals who exist through spiritual bypass.  Please see my earlier post on “Awareness of Spiritual Bypass.”  During spiritual bypass, they focus on intuitive powers and only on the spiritual light, experience ego inflation, avoid the darkness that is within each of us, or engaged in inappropriate or abusive behaviors convincing themselves that this is intended to help others.  Unfortunately, a life changing or traumatic event in their lives will bring them back to their unresolved emotional issues as they have been operating in ego or smaller selves.

I have come to understand that Kundalini active individuals are no different than others.  Although we have heightened intuitive abilities and have the ability to accerelerate our emotional healing, if we don’t raise our consciousness, release our egos, or confont the darkness within us, no healing will take place and our intuitive abilities may be used to harm others through manipulations by convincing ourselves that this is intended to help others.

I have been the victim of such spiritual abuse and have observed Kundalini active individuals engaged in sexual exploitation, sexual molestation, sexual assault, marital infidelity, and others boundary violations. I have since forgiven them for these trepasses. However, if you don’t use your gifts for good, you can lie to yourself and others by convincing yourself that these violations are to help and benefit others.

Our ego’s denial is a tricky thing, and we all fall prey to it.  If we identify with ego, we will believe this denial.  It is easier to just see the light within ourselves, but it is the darkness within that we must confront and transform before true light is possible.  (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)




Breaking the Bonds of Codependency


This weekend is a great exercise in letting go, and breaking free from codependency. Codependency is the oppositve of love as it is our need to fill the void by another because we cannot love ourselves. Do not confused codependency with love.  If you have not learned to love yourself first, your relationships are codependencies.

Two friends this week tried to pursuade me to stay in small rural conservative community where I currently live, and college where I work. I have always lived in large cities with very diverse progressive communities, and I will be moving next to such a place.

After explaining for hours my reasons for leaving and my need to move forward on my spiritual journey, I finaly told these people that I am sorry, but where my spiritual journey takes me is where my journey takes me.  Regrettably, they cannot come on my journey as they must travel on their own path.

I realize that when I have been working feverishly nearly everyday on my emotional healing and spiritual work, they have stayed in the same emotional place as when I first met them four years ago.   During these four years, they have become codependents while I have been striving to detached and become independent.

Breaking the patterns of codependency is very difficult as I have been a codependent in all my relationships for most of my life.  For the first time, I am flying solo and finally feel free from the bondage of codependency.

Many do not understand why I need to break these patterns, because they still practice these negative patterns.  They are confused as to why these patterns must change in order to have a healthier, happier, and more peaceful life.  It is something they cannot fully understand, but must be experienced.

On some level, we all want the healthier, happier, and more peaceful life, but most are unwilling to give up the old patterns of negative behaviors.  These patterns are difficult to break as many are unaware that they are practicing these negative patterns.

In the past, I tried to help others see this negative pattern, but now I do not try as they become extremely defensive and even combative.   If a friend asks my opinion, I will share my thoughts, but each person must be ready to hear and face their own darkness on their own time and terms. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)




Reflecting on Past Lessons


In the last couple of months, I have been reflecting on my journey for the past five years.  It is coming full circle, I reflected on the men I earlier attracted who were similar to my father.  One person was so similar to my father as his son also does not speak to him and even changed his last name.  Like me, I have not spoken to my father in 25 years because he abuses children and women. Many in his life do not associate or speak to him which is extremely sad.  I recently saw people connected to this man in my passing and wondered what that means.

Like me, many of the women I attracted into my life were equally broken and emotionally troubled similar to my mother.  Many believe they are healed and are healer themselves.  We are all attracted to the kind of men I earlier attracted.  How can we be well if we are attracted to abusers of children and women?  This was my past, and I intend to keep them in my past as I have changed so dramatically.  At some point, we all move forward past these troubled people, as we no longer share this wounded and negative energy.

The irony is that these individuals truly believe they are well and healed because they speak of positive and spiritual things.  However, they do not practice them.  Their behaviors are not congruent to what they preach.  They preach love and healing and claim to be awaken, but they engage in infidelity with others, lie about and to themselves and others, and use their intuitive abilities to manipulate others and for self gain.  They have high tolerance for inappropriate bahaviors as they practice spiritual bypass.

In the end, karma caught up with them and they lost those they love, their financial stability, and their lives as they knew it.   Proof is in the pudding!  How our life is reflects what we have done in our life.  It is no one else’s fault, and only we are responsible for the outocome of our own life. Reflect upon your life to determine what you have done in your life. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)


Living in the Shadow of Ego



Awakening is awareness of what is happening to your present existence.  Many are not aware of what is happening to them in their current life situation.  If we have not released our egos, we live in the small microscopic world of jealousy, greed, envy, resentment, rage, pain, suffering, and chaos.  This is the world created by our egos of circular thinking.

In this world, we lie to ourselves that I call self deception, repress and suppress our feelings, and live in self delusion.  In this delusional world, others are to blame for the negative outcomes of our lives, others cause hurt and pain within us, and if only others changed than our lives would be happy.  Sadly, this is utter delusion and self deception.

The first and hardest step is becoming aware and recognizing the delusional world of our existence called the “Dark Night of the Soul.”  This is an awakening experience when the soul finally recognizes what we have done to ourselves, and that we have been running around and around in a maze of our own creation.  It is the aha moment when we finally see the truth.

This is the pivitol moment in the evolution of our souls and awakening to the truth about ourselves and our lives.  We realize that we are not the smaller self of ego who points fingers at others, live in denial, and creates this delusion that is our existence.  It is the soul evolving, growing up, and becoming its authentic self.  We begin to take responsibility for our lives, live our truths, and change our lives for the better because no one else can do this for us.  May you awaken to your truth and reality. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

The Pain is Within Us


As I spend time alone, I am hearing messages from my higher self.  She says that the pain is within, and not out there.  When I feel pain from watching terrorist attacks against innocent human beings, it has triggered something painful with me.  This pain is fear within me and emotional wounds of my past.

As I observe others lashing out at and wanting death of muslims, Syrians, and terrorists, I am keenly aware of what I am feeling and what is happening around me.  I coin this phenomenon the “Domino Theory.”  The violence triggers fear and rage within us, but that rage is already within us from our own experiences and emotional wounds.  This fear causes us to react, and then strike back in a knee jerk response. This is how violence and wars are begun and perpetuated.

The momentum of this anger, rage, and violence is driven by vengence and retaliation which is reciprocated in kind.  Around and around we go causing destruction, pain, and suffering for all involved as well as innocent bystanders.  Awareness is the ability to recognize and acknowledge our own triggers, and then stop the reactions before it begin within us.  I use this practice called, “Emotional Release Practice” to help me with my own emotional healing, deal with these emotional triggers, and stop the knee jerk response to strike back.

When we begin to change ourselves, we will begin to see that ego is driving the fear which is triggered, and then the subsequent knee jerk response occurs without even our awareness.  This is what is happening within us, and until we recognize this, collectively as a society, we will continue to perpetuate violence, destruction, and our own suffering. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

What Underlies Our Lies


As you can see from my earlier posts, I have been contemplating why people lie.  There are several reasons people lie.  We lie because we feel shame, fear of being disliked or disapproved, and fear punishment or the consequences.  Even when we believe we tell white lies so as not to hurt others, it is really because we fear being disliked or disapproved by others.  There may be other reasons, such as lying intentionally to hurt or protect others, but these are the main reasons I believe people lie.

Underlying all lies are a sense of lack of self worth and fear.  Lying is the ego’s way of coping with our reality.  Along with the actual lies, we also employ denial to convince ourselves of the lies.  Denial goes hand in hand with lying because the liar can convince himself/ herself that the lies are really true. Therefore, they convince themselves that they are not lying at all.

Shame is another emotion that ego cannot handle, because we must confront what we have done that may be criminal, unethical, immoral or hurtful to others.  Fear, however, is the driving force to lying because we fear being disliked or disapproved by others for our behaviors and actions, so we lie to cover it up, particularly when we fear punishment or the consequences for our negative actions and behaviors.

Underlying all lies are the lack of self worth and fear that drive us to lie, and then we use denial to justify our lies convincing ourselves that they are true.  Enlightenment is our willingness to see our truths whether positive or negative, and then taking full responsibility for our lives.  May you find your path to enlightenment.  (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)


Kundalini: the Magic Bullet?

images (1)

I have observed quite a few misconceptions about Kundalini.  Some perceive that Kundalini is the magic bullet to enlightenment.  Many arouse their Kundalini energy in the hopes finding the fast track to salvation and miracles. Some believe it will give them psychic abilities and supernatural powers.  What I have observed is quite different.

I have discovered that Kundalini is not the magic bullet at all.  This magic bullet is within each of us, and it is our intentions, efforts, and courage to heal our past emotional wounds that is the magic bullet.  Let me explain. I have observed many with aroused Kundalini energy who are not enlightened or even in active recovery.  They are still in their active illnesses with little or no healing having taken place.

I have observed others who have spent years in spiritual bypass, high-level denial or premature transcendence remaining stuck in their emotional recovery and spiritual healing. They still exhibit many behaviors and symptoms of their active illnesses.  In addition to this, they have gained psychic abilities that they use in dysfunctional and harmful ways as they have not done the required emotional recovery or spiritual healing work, and they still operate through their false self or negative ego.

The consequence of taking a spiritual bypass are often active codependence or conflict, including: denial of their active illness; trying to control ourselves or others; all-or-nothing thinking and behaving; feeling fear, shame, or confusion; high tolerance for inappropriate behaviors; frustration; addiction, compulsion, and relapse; and unnecessary pain and suffering.

Those who develop psychic abilities who are still centered in their false self or negative ego may believe they are using their abilities for selfless service, but they actually can be projecting their own wishes or other issues onto others instead.  Even sense of compassion can become confusing for those experiencing rapid spiritual growth. They can believe that they are suddenly needed by another, and this may become ego inflating.

As you can see, it is truly our own intentions, efforts, and courage to heal our past emotional wounds that is the magic bullet, and the arousal of Kundalini energy in itself cannot do this for us. In fact, we are likely to take the easy way out through spiritual bypass as we are not prepared to go down this dark and difficult road of emotional recovery and spiritual healing. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

What We Mirror


Most of us are unable to see ourselves clearly because of our egos, but we are able to see clearly flaws and problems within others.  This is the result of repression and suppression of pain within our emotional landscapes caused by our egos.  Ego feels so threatened by our emotional pain so it represses it automatically without our awareness or suppresses this pain through our awareness.  Ego wants to protect our identity so badly, even if it is a false identify.

Because I am aware of my own blind spot resulting from my ego’s suppression and repression, I begin to observe those around me.  Do I still attract very emotionally injured, angry, bitter, and troubled people, or am I attracting more self aware, stable, happy, and compassionate people?  Those days of denial, projection, and self deception are over for me, as I am willing to see myself for who I really am.

As I observe those around me, I am finding more self aware, emotionally stable, happier, and more compassionate people in my life.  My attraction to negative people are beginning  to change, and I find their energy repulsive and even physically difficult to tolerate.  In the past, I would need those negative people to see how truly negative they are, but now I simply walk away as I no longer feel drawn or attracted to them.  May you heal yourself and let go of negative people in your life. (Copyright 2014 Soul Awakening with All Rights Reserved)

Signs Along the Way

th (6)

As I have been on my spiritual path for the last three and a half years, I have learned the signs along the way as a guide in finding my way.  The most important thing I have learned about the signs I see along the way is that if there is resistance than you are walking in the wrong direction.  When we are finding our truth and what is intended for our lives, those things will come naturally to us.  This does not mean we don’t work hard in achieving our goals and doing our very best. It does mean, however, that when we do our very best, and there is consistent resistance then we are on the wrong path.

The resistance will come from things outside of our control.  For instance, the person you love does not love you back and wants a different future, then you are in the wrong relationship.  When you and your boss fight on every point of your job, then you have the wrong boss for you.  You keep trying a career that you are told is not a good fit for you by your employers, then you need to find another career. You get the gist.  If something is intended for us, we will excel at it and things will naturally fall into place.  There should be no fighting, arguing, and consistent resistance. The only caveat is that if you are finding resistance in everything and everybody in your life, then you are the problem and not your path, as emotional healing work is needed in your life.

These are the life lessons for me, as I have finally discovered that I don’t need to fight the resistance, but to move to a path of least resistance.  When I do, my hard work will be rewarded and appreciated, and I will finally find the path that I should be on and not the path my ego convinces me to be on.  May you find the path intended for you. (Copyright 2014 Kundalini Spirit with All Rights Reserved)