The Life of a Light Worker

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I am a light worker, but did not come to acknowledge this until recently.  My life is not like others, and it became clear to me recently that I am not like others.  I am not married, do not have children, and don’t even have a pet.  Although I tried to be like others earlier in my life, I was married and my husband wanted children but we were unable to have our own.  We were in the process of adoption when our marriage did not survive and we terminated the adoption.

I don’t know what my life will be in the future, but for now, I move from place to place serving as a catalyst and reflect back like a mirror to others of who they truly are.  This can be both good and bad as many are not ready for transformation or even a small change.  I scare some as they are frightened by their own reflection in the mirror of what they see. Wherever I go, I have been able to effect miraculous change to my community, or just individuals around me.

I know all that I do in my life is intended to help my world. Now, I am helping sexually assaulted students and minorities students encountering hate.  In the near future, I also will be helping rescue animals and sick people through Reiki.  I even found a new home with the perfect space for a Reiki studio for people with wheel chairs to receive treatment with me.

As I move forward on my spiritual journey, everything I need has been provided for me, and all the pieces are falling miraculously into place. I sold my home and my house closes right when the new job I want begins.  I found the right job for me, a new home, and am meeting new friends even before moving to California.  It is like the road is paved for me, because I found the right path forward.  Don’t get me wrong, I have had to work very hard applying for jobs and researching them, looking for housing, and willing to meet new people.

My higher self is telling me what to do at every step, and I follow her advice and direction on my path forward.  So far, everything she has told me has come true, and all the pieces of the puzzle are falling into place on my journey forward.  I am humbled by all that I have experienced. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All RIghts Reserved)

 

Only When We Are Ready

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It has been a long journey for many lifetimes for me, and never being ready.  However, now I am finaly ready to truly help others with their healing.  It has to do with non-reaction to others’ behaviors, actions, and comments about us.  When we heal ourselves, we no longer operate in our smaller selves.  We are centered, nonreactive, and have sufficient self esteem to feel good about ourselves irrespective to what others think, do, or say about us.

Our energy resonates at a higher vibration, and negative vibrations are no longer resonating in sync within our energy fields. When we finally reach this place, our own emotional wounds and injuries will no longer interfere with our interactions while helping others.  For example, I have observed many emotionally wounded individuals including Kundalini active ones helping others with their emotional healing.  Because they are resonating at the same frequency as those they are attempting to help, they become emotionally, sexually, and romatically involved, and unaware of the unhealthy and harmful involvements with others.

This involvement is both destructive and harmful to others and ourselves.  We can destroy our own lives, by committing betrayal against our loved ones, engaging in extra-marital affairs, and becoming involved in chaos and drama.  This is both self destructive as well as harmful to the very people we are trying to help.  Think twice before entering into such a situation. If you are not ready to help others, just admit that you are still not ready.

Case in point: in my early twenties before I began intensive emotional healing work, I attempted to work with abused and neglected children.  Because of my own emotional wounds, I was regularly triggered by the physical, sexually, and emotional abuse that my clients suffered.  As a result, I left that job as I was totally unprepared and unable to do this kind of work.  Many years later, I returned to work with sexually and physically assaulted college students only after much healing took place from my intensive healing work.

It is better to admit that we are not ready then to do harm to ourselves and others.  It takes wisdom and self awareness, albeit difficult, to make these admissions to ourselves. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

My Guides Along My Path

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This morning as I was driving to work, I realized that the men in my life have been my guides on my spiritual journey.  These men taught me many lessons about myself, and brought me to places I never would have gone alone.  These men showed me how to stand up for myself as many abused me, emotionally, physically, and sexually.  Others showed me the world by traveling with me.  Some brought me to places to do my spiritual work.  Others showed me the next step on my journey forward.

For some reason, none of them stay in my life as I move past them after several years.  Maybe it is the nature of guides to point the way, but they do not necessarily travel on the path with us?  I also meet them under unusual circumstances.  For instance, I met my ex-husband in Alaska, and he turned out to live within 6 hours from where I was living at the time.

Three years ago, I met my next guide in Cinque Terra, Italy who shows me that I am finally ready to re-engage with my family after being away for many years. He just happens to live near my family in California.  He is a spiritual man who is an art teacher, painter, sculptor, and musician.   I don’t know if he will remain in my life, or he will be like the others who do not travel forward with me.

In each of these relationships, I needed them to serve as my guide to become the woman I ultimately will become.  Therefore, I have no regrets because without them, I would not have become the woman I am today. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

Truth for Healing

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I currently am taking a vacation, and have an opportunity to reflect upon the above meme that I saw recently, “Truth is the basis of all healing.”  With the recent violent shooting in Orlando, I think it is appropriate to speak about my own healing work. Healing begins within each of us, and this healing will be shared with all humanity.

My story began with sexual abuse as a child by my father and as an adult, I was sexually assaulted and abused by the men I dated and frequently engaged with dysfunctional men and their affairs or spouses.  About five years ago, I met an artist who gave lessons near where I live.  Very early during my lessons, he told me about this married woman with whom he appeared obsessed talking incessantly about her. I recognized that he has the same sexual dysfunction as me. Because of this dysfunction, we became involved which broke up my own marriage.

Throughout our four year relationship, this woman interfered by calling, texting, and FB commenting and messaging him.  It became a hot mess of chaos, hurt, and destruction. Sadly, both these people hold themselves out to the rest of the world as spiritual and awakened people because they are Kundalini active.  What caused this destruction were the lies they told me and their families, and the lies they told themselves.  They told their families and me that they were only friends, but they failed to tell his family that she was already married or that they had sex with each other.

When you lie about your marital status and the foundation of the relationship is based on lies, then there is a problem.  It was the lies that hurt me more than the actual affair that they carried on for over seven years.  When they lied to me, they blamed me for calling them out, and vilified me for telling the truth. This man also sexually assaulted me and gave me a deadly sexually transmitted disease as he has had a multitude of sexual partners. He accused me of playing the victim when I stood up and wrote about him in my blog.

There is irony in my story in that this man’s wife found out about his various affairs including the one with her and other women he met on the Internet. About six years ago, his wife threw him out of their home and divorced him.  Over a year ago, this woman’s husband also ran off with another woman with two children, and left her with limited financial support.  In the past, I would have reveled in the pain and chaos of the lives of these two people.

However, with healing of my own emotional wounds, I feel sympathy for the pain they have endured.  The truth is that when you cause pain to others, you shall feel the same pain.  This is the Universal Law of Karma.  Nevertheless, they have suffered greatly as I can feel their intolerable pain as an empath.  Although they are never welcome in my life, I have forgiven both of them for their deceitful actions and behaviors, and send healing love to them.   In the end, they suffered more than what they did to me as they lost everything they love including their families, financial security, and even their livelihood.

These are our lessons in life, and healing begins with telling the truth instead of continuing to tell lies.  My responsibility in all this was that I engaged with these two people in the first place and allowed this destruction to continue in my life for four years.  My lesson here is never to engage in this type of chaos, hurt, and destruction again, as I caused much pain to the people I love.  Thank you both for teaching me this life lesson that I could not learn on my own.  I wish you both well, and hope you find the truth in your life for your own healing. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Lunar Goddess

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The Goddess radiating her brilliant magic,

Moves my soul in the night.

I watch her as she nears,

To show me my power within.

She guides me when I am bewildered,

On my path in this wounded world.

Obstacles I cannot see and hostility I cannot fend,

She is there to protect me.

Let me bow in deep gratitude,

As I know, I am forever safe in the glow of her love.

(Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Through the Darkness

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Light in the distance,

Guides me forward.

Obscured by distractions and drama.

Follow the light along your path,

Echos the voices in my head.

Where will this path lead?

To your destination,

So don’t be afraid.

How will I know I have arrived?

You will find love and peace,

And your pain will have fallen away.

Those who hurt you,

No longer will have power.

Follow the light that never extinguishes,

The hardships on  your journey,

Will come with less effort.

Courage will take you,

The rest of the way . . .

(Copyright 2015 Living Wide Awake with All Rights Reserved)

 

Ego: Falling into Darkness

ego-is-constantly-attempting-to-acquire-chogyam-trungpaI have encountered quite a few individuals in this and past lifetimes who have fallen into darkness.  I realize now how easy it is to fall into this darkness without even realizing it.  Many, particularly those in the spiritual community, begin with good intentions of helping others and healing others.  Then, one day you come to realize that you have become the sex offenders and abusers who you have been helping others to heal from, and even healing from yourselves.  Please see an earlier post on, “Sexual Abuse by Spiritual Teachers.”

How can this happen we ask?  The answer is not that difficult, and it is because these individuals are emotionally and mentally unhealed themselves. Our egos play a major role in this denial of our emotional and mental wellness, even desperately hanging onto the belief and image of ourselves as being light, good, and righteous.  As they proceed in this darkness of abusing, hurting, and injuring others for their own personal gain and gratification, their egos create excuses and justifications for their dark behaviors, such as,  “I deserve this,” “I am helping others by doing this,” or “these individuals deserve this because I am giving them love,”  and so on.

Many in the spiritual community, particularly Kundalini active individuals, also suffer from spiritual bypass by only focusing on light and ascension without working through their lifetimes of emotional darkness and pain. Please see an earlier post on ” Awareness of Spiritual Bypass.”  As such, they have failed to do the required emotional healing work necessary for true spiritual ascension as it may be too frightening and threatening for them to face.  Please see an earlier post on “Stages of Healing Emotional Pain” for the practice of healing emotional pain.  For those Kundalini active with past trauma and abuse, please see an earlier post on “Kundalini Recovery Process – the Stages,”  The professional opinions are the same that emotional healing whether for those Kundalini active or not, is necessary to ascend spiritually.  (Copyright 2014 Living Wide Awake with all rights reserved)

Spiritual Teachers as Twin Flames

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I have been seeing a very disturbing trend lately in the spiritual community, including blog posts and through personal observation, of spiritual students believing that their spiritual teachers are their Twin Flames.  I am disturbed by this because either students are jumping to this conclusion through “transference” that is projecting their erotic feelings toward their Spiritual teachers without their teachers setting appropriate boundaries to dissuade them of this psychological phenomenon, or that their teachers are actually sexually abusing them including sexual coercion, sexual harassment, or even sexual assault, and telling their students that they are their student’s Twin Flame that is why sexual intercourse between them is encouraged.  It is highly unlikely that your spiritual teacher is your Twin Flame as there a such a power difference and diverging stages of ascension resulting in differing vibrational frequencies between the spiritual teacher and the student. Twin Flames by definition are equal halves of the same soul.  Please see an earlier post on, “Sexual Abuse by Spiritual Teachers.”

Currently, I work with sexually and physically traumatized college students who suffer from sexual assault/violence, sexual harassment, sexual coercion, domestic violence, and dating violence.  The spiritual students that I have observed and read about exhibit the same trauma symptoms.  Furthermore, they are under a belief that they love and are in love with their abusers who sexually, physically, or emotionally harm them.  They repeatedly return voluntarily to their abusers, and even feel that the abuse they suffered is not abuse at all as their abusers give them compassion and love.  This skewed perspective is usually the result of underlying childhood sexual or physical abuse as victims do not realize that abuse is not love, as they had been conditioned to believe this due to their childhood abuse.  I lived this as I was one of these abused children, and experienced these trauma symptoms and phenomenon as an adult.

What I have observed during my work with these college students is that when they first come into see me, they don’t understand why I would call their experience abuse.  In one situation, I recommended therapy for this student, and after one year of therapy, she returned to my office on her own accord and filed a complaint against her abuser as her abuse was ongoing.   This shows that in the year that she engaged in therapy, she was able to distinguish between abuse and love, and began to take back her power from her abuser.  This experience brought tears to my eyes and gave me hope that each and everyone of us has the ability to overcome our abuse, and become survivors rather than remaining as victims.  Sending healing love to all the victims and survivors of abuse out there. (Copyright 2014 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Insights into My Reality

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When we begin to heal our emotional wounds, we see glimmers of our true reality rather than through the lenses of a victim. This weekend was such a reflection into my truth.  I am seeing my world very differently, and those I always have believed who do not care for me were projections of my past emotional hurts onto my current experiences.  I also have believed that many people who are in my life are out to hurt me and injure me, as I distrusted everyone as a result of the abuse I suffered as a child.

My relationships with others have been based on this attraction to those who remind me of my family, and then I would project my fears, anger, and jealousy onto these individuals.  As I am healing those past wounds now, I realize the best way to heal is alone, without these individuals who can emotionally trigger me, and I would perceive to re-experience my past emotional trauma.  This decision to be alone is not to run away from my problems, but to continue to heal my emotional wounds so that future contacts with others will no longer emotionally trigger me.

When we realize that people in our lives can emotionally trigger us, we begin to have awareness of what we still need to address in our emotional landscape.  Recently, my higher self has been helping me to understand what is happening to me. For instance, she would ask me, if this person hates you then why would they do this?  If this person wants to hurt you, then why would they do that?  These insights from my higher self give me glimmers into my true reality, instead of a reality created by my ego through the lenses of my past emotional wounds. May you find insights into your true reality. (Copyright 2014 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)