Finding the Light

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I awoke this morning with such gratitude in my heart.  Yesterday, I sold my house, and also got a second interview for a university job I want in California!  There has been so much synchronicity in my life now with each moment of each day.

The couple who bought my home wants to close on a specific date in January.  It just so happens to be the same date the new semester begins at the university where I want to work.  What are the chances of that?

I am listening to my intuition to guide me to the next step of my journey.  The location of this job is perfect as it is about 2 hours from my family with just enough distance for a healthy buffer, but close enough to visit for a weekend or for the holidays.

This next position continues my calling to work with sexually assaulted students as well as protect minority students that is so important now with the changes in the political climate in the United States. I feel so very blessed on my spiritual journey forward, and it seems that I finally found my way out of the darkness into the light. Blessings of light and love to you. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Survivor: No Longer a Victim

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During the course of my recent recovery and evolution, I have come to realize an important distinction between victim and survivor.  The key distinction is that a victim recognizes the harm or traumatizing experience and does little beyond recognizing it.  A survivor goes beyond recognition through action to protective onself.

I have met many people who recognize that they have been victimized.  Although it is a important first step to recovery, the mere recognition of your trauma  or injury keeps us stuck in victim mode and mentality.  This is what happened to me.

As a victim, we are powerless, and we become repeatedly victimized.  It is like living in hell when we are forever caught in this vicious victim cycle.  As a survivor, we stand up for our selves and we fight back.   We refuse to be allowed to be victimized again by stopping the cycle of victimhood.  It is this step that allows us to take back our power.

When we merely talk about being harmed and traumized than that is all that we experience.  When we begin to take actions to protect ourselves, this is called self love.  We must stand up for ourselves and never accept being victimized again as we finally stop the cycle of victimhood.  This is the difference between victim and survivor!  (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

When Anger turns to Compassion

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You know you have reached a different place in your emotional and spiritual growth and transformation when what earlier caused anger, now creates compassion. In my job at my college where I work, I help students, faculty, and staff who have been sexually assaulted, physically assualted in their interpersonal relationships, stalked, discriminated against, and harassed. I assist the most marginized and vulnerable people on this campus.

In the past few days, I found out that a group of people at my college call me a rooster and make mocking noises about me behind my back.  Even worse, they made many attempts to sabotage my efforts to help others here.  Because of my work that empowers victims, I am a threat to many who are in power, and they fear being exposed for their wrong doings.

In the past, finding out about being mocked and laughed at would have triggered anger and resentment within me, and I would feel depressed for weeks.  Now, my reaction is that I feel compassion for those who need to mock, belittle, and bully others.  They must face themselves in the mirror everyday for who they are and the harm they have caused others.  They live in the hell of their own creation that is their life and existence.

I feel nothing but sorrow and pity for such broken people, and the utter hell that they must face and experience about themselves everyday.  The truth is that it is not I who is injured by their actions, as I have healed the emotional wounds of my past and no longer can be triggered.  However, their emotional wounds are fresh and exposed for all the world to see and be judged.

Only through love and forgiveness can darkness be driven out as hate cannot do that.  I truly feel sorry for them, and I say a prayer for their healing.  “Please help these people heal their wounds, and save them from their own destruction.  Amen.”  (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Empowering the Victim

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Throughout my life, many have harmed me including my parents, partners, and coworkers.  I gave off victim energy for a long time due to many lifetimes of unresolved trauma.  These traumatic experiences left emotional wounded energy within my energy field, and this wounded energy can be felt by others.  As a result, I fell prey to predators of sexual and physical violence and bullying.

All this changed in March 2011 when my Kundalini energy rose as I believe when our Kundalini energy rise it is intended to help the most vulnerable and emotionally injured.  As my energy rose, I learned to access my higher self, intuition, and clairsentience to help me nagivate my life and spiritual journey. This Kundalini awakening began my spiritual journey of self discovery and emotional healing to gain personal empowerment.

Even if your Kundalini energy has not risen, each of us can access our higher selves through meditation or quieting the mind, and everyone has intuition from birth.  Kundalini energy merely heightens these abilities.  No matter who you are or what happened in your life, you have the ability to gain this personal empowerment.

During the past five years, I began to learn to accept myself for who I am, and love myself more than loving anyone else.  This is not selfishness or conceit, as we do not harm others when we love ourselves as we do with selfishness.  As part of accepting ourselves, we must take responsibilities for our own actions and decisions.  Forgive ourselves for our past mistakes, and vow never to make the same mistakes again.  We must accept all parts of ourselves, the good and the bad. It is accepting our own darkness that is truly self love.  This is the foundation of our self worth and esteem.

Once we learn to love ourselves, we become invincible as we no longer require other’s approval or acceptance of our lives and existence.  “I am who I am, and I love who I am even if no one else loves me.”  This is a very powerful statement, and this is true empowerment and freedom from victimhood.  May you find true empowerment in your life. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

 

Valentine’s Day Lessons

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Since today is Valentine’s Day it is appropriate to talk about love.  Our first and last love should be self love.  Self love serves as a foundation for all our relationships.  Personally in the past year, I have learned some tough lessons about self love through my failed relationship, but it is a lesson worth learning as it will change all my relationships in my life.

A years ago, on Valentine’s Day, the man I was dating and I had an argument about a married woman with whom he was involved.  I confronted him about her over dinner which I treated.  Ironically, she texted him that night.  Regrettably that night, we also had a terrible snow storm, and I lived about an hour away.  He sent me home in the snow storm and locked me out of his house.  I ended up staying in a hotel overnight and returned home the next morning.

I learned several lessons about my relationship and myself that night.  The man I dated did not love or care for me, cannot truly love anyone, and loathes himself as he has no compassion for another human being. I should not have been surprised since he also sexually assaulted me and gave me a deadly sexually transmitted disease as he is a carrier and apparently, has had many partners.

I also learned that I loathed myself by being involved with someone who treated me with such disrespect and disregard.  Why would I be attracted to such a person?  Why would I allow myself to be treated so poorly?  I realized that I loathed myself as I was abused as a child, and confused abuse with love.  That is why I allowed this man into my life.  We broke up shortly thereafter.

A year later this Valentine’s Day, I spent this weekend with those I love and made brunch for the people I love in my life.  They also return my love and treat me with kindness, care, and respect.  This is the lesson I learned last Valentine’s Day that we must love ourselves first and last.  We cannot capture the heart of another, until we have captured our own heart.  May you find love for yourselves on Valentine’s Day! (Copyrights 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

What Is Love?

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Learning about love is important for those of us who were abused as children, and confused love with hurt and pain.  As an adult, I spent most of my life seeking what I thought was love with different men in the hopes of finding happiness in my life.  I had quite a few similar life lessons that I refused to learn until now.  These were lessons full of suffering and heart ache that were intended to help me find the self love that I lacked.

I associated hurt and pain with love for so long, and it translated to emotional and sexual desires.  These desires were so strong that they attracted like a magnet into my life those who hurt and injured me.  It was a compulsion that I could not stop or control.  No matter what I did consciously by forcing myself to find better and healthier partners in my life, it did not stick for long.  This was the result of not learning or experiencing healthy love early in my life.

All this changed when I began in earnest my emotional healing work after the rise of my Kundalini energy in March 2011.  I share these techniques and methods on the tabs on top of my Blogsite Homepage. With each layer of my emotional wound that I healed, I began to realize that I am deserving of  love, kindness, and compassion for myself.  I realized that I projected my pain and hurt outwardly toward others as I was unable to handle or acknowledge that this was my own pain and hurt.  These projections occurred with nearly every relationship in my life, and they drove away those I loved.

I am alone now learning that this love that I thought I felt for men in my life is really love that I have for myself.  This yearning for love is the love I lacked from childhood, and that only I can give to myself on my journey to wholeness. (Copyright 2016 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)

Aloneness during the Holidays

tumblr_n6kaja2V9I1s1fji4o1_1280Do you find the holidays is when we truly feel loneliness that we never really feel the rest of the year? When we sit at a holiday dinner table staring at the relatives we have not spoken or seen for a year, we feel the loneliness or really the disconnectedness with our family members.  We may never have had a genuine, truthful conversation about who we are, our lives, or our dreams.

For me, I have decided to face this loneliness head on without pretending or feigning togetherness with my family.  I have decided to spend the holidays alone, to simply face the fear of loneliness.  What I have discovered is that I don’t feel lonely while alone.  As I learn about myself, and to love and accept myself, I find that I really do like who I am.

What I love most about myself is my genuine interest in connecting with others, my child-like enthusiasm in wanting to learn about and try everything, and my endless search for adventure in my life.  As I spend more and more time with myself, I have come to enjoy my own company, and I want to spend more time alone with myself.

I still can be judgmental, critical, stubborn, and always think I’m right, but I am softening these hard edges through self awareness.  I am beginning to accept both the good and the bad about myself, and look forward to many more years with my own company.  (Copyright 2015 Awakening Journey with All Rights Reserved)